Wetlook World Forum

Current time: Wed 24/04/24 12:44:17 GMT

Translate page FROM -> TO

Translate page TO <- FROM

Message # 58721.1.1.1.1.1.1.2

Subject: Re:A personal note...wetlook, couples, acceptance issues

Date: Wed 07/08/13 01:10:25 GMT

Name: warmrain84

Email: timeszero.band@gmail.com

Website:

Report Abuse or Problem to Nigel at Minxmovies
If you enjoy this forum, then please make a small donation to help
with running costs: (you can change amount)

The problem is this response harps upon the clothes as a preference versus an association. There's a big psychological difference here. Let's say I have no musical associations, just preferences. I can prefer to listen to blues over jazz. But let's now say I *do* have an association; that every time I've heard jazz before it was with a friend who turned out to be a cruel, backstabbing person. I can't just make myself just forget that association any more than Pavlov's dogs can *not* salivate when they hear a bell ring.

Here's the other thing: as I mentioned about her sexual interest, she actively *wants* to get wet and *wants* it to be in something she knows I like. So it's not like I'm trying to convince her of anything or put something else first; while I sometimes wonder if she really has interest, she insists that she does. To be very, very clear: SHE'S TRYING TO TURN ME ON WITH WETLOOK AND IT'S NOT WORKING AND I'M TRYING TO FIX THAT TO MAKE US BOTH HAPPY. My original post made very clear that this psychological event made me lose interest when she *still has* interest. So this narrative that I'm caring more about the clothes than her doesn't "float" because we have a mutual interest here. But again, humans haven't proven themselves to be beyond conditioning, and some of our biggest and smallest issues of all kinds are due to this.

When these things are problematic, people seek professional help, take meds, etc. I don't think it's of that magnitude. I'm trying to work through an association and I said very clearly I wanted to seek insight with a "like-minded and empathetic" person. "I understood that you did kinda mention that you told your girlfriend many times that if she was at all uncomfortable to not get wet at all, etc. Your original post made no such mention, rather you emphasized the clothes your girlfriend was wearing."

Bollocks. I emphasized it multiple times and I think my intent is clear:

"a personal note,"

"I'm hoping a like-minded and empathetic person may be able to help me."

"Okay, so, I'm blessed enough to have a girlfriend who has seemed pretty "okay" with my wetlook interest"

"I felt really bad, both disappointed she changed and mad at myself for caring about it."

"Does anybody else relate or have insight?"

"I know I should be grateful that she was willing at all; I just feel really bummed and wish I still wanted to get wet with her, but I feel like it's ruined."

" I insist that I will still love her, but she just needs to decide if she's truly okay with it." - after I posted this, we had a conversation and she reiterated the earlier point.

" this is a personal matter so I hope any feedback will be sensitive to that."

So it's very clear I'm not looking for a "white knight" trying to argue that I care more about blues (to use the analogy) than about my lover. I'm looking for - well, I've already made that clear. Forget it. I'm done arguing. This is what I was afraid the typical denizens of the internet would do.

In reply to Message (58721.1.1.1.1.1.1)

Re:A personal note...wetlook, couples, acceptance issues

By EdR - asplashofglamour@gmail.com Tue 06/08/13 02:33:17 GMT

Website: www.asplashofglamour.com

Forgive me if I come across coarse, but I did read your post carefully, and you did ask for advice, sooo, I gave you mine.... I understood that you did kinda mention that you told your girlfriend many times that if she was at all uncomfortable to not get wet at all, etc. Your original post made no such mention, rather you emphasized the clothes your girlfriend was wearing. In fact you stated that when she changed into other clothes, to get wet in. You said, it bummed you out because the clothes she chose to put on reminded you of a bad experience. Further you make mention that you had lost interest (because your girlfriend had changed out of the clothes you preferred into something you did not prefer) and felt misunderstood and somewhat rejected. That seemed to me like the emphasis wasn't on your girlfriend until it was brought up later. I may sound like a prick to you right now, but, trust me, I do understand what you're saying.

The point of my post wasn't to demean you, based on what I read and understood of your dilemma, I was simply giving you my point of view, which is what I think you were asking for. I still stand behind my first post, but I'll be more direct. Your girlfriend should be number one and in the grand scheme of things, she should be (and treated like,) the center of your world. If she is this to you, than what she wears to please you should be the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. This is why I said, It shouldn't matter what she wears or what she puts on to get wet for you, even if it's a burlap bag or an outfit an ex wore before, the point is, she is there for you and pleasing you (apparently because she loves you). Now concerning the outfit that reminds you of a bad previous experience. Turn it around into a positive. That outfit that you dislike so much, you can embrace it (with the right woman wearing it and doing the things you love to do with her) or you can put it behind you, for example, promise to buy your girlfriend a better outfit in return that you can trash or burn the outfit you don't like. In fact if your girlfriend is more than willing to participate in your interests, buy her clothes for that purpose (I can tell you that women do like it when their men buy them clothes) This way you are assured that she'll be wearing the clothes you picked out for her to get wet in, and she won't have to worry about ruining clothes that she likes and wants to keep. Hope this helps.

Sincerely EdR

In reply to Message (58721.1.1.1.1.1)

Re:A personal note...wetlook, couples, acceptance issues

By warmrain84 - timeszero.band@gmail.com Tue 06/08/13 01:18:02 GMT

Website:

I don't think you understood my question. I consider all of that obvious, especially given my repeated emphasis that I was grateful period. I was asking if others could relate or understand, and you obviously do not (or did not read everything I wrote). I have told my girlfriend many times that if she is at all uncomfortable to not get wet at all, and that is more than okay. I would gladly give up wetlook if that would help our relationship, but that's not the issue. My question pertains to my internal struggle of why she would wear something that reminded me of a very negative experience, and trying to work through that and deal with it, because otherwise I need to convince her that we should stop getting wet together *because* I didn't want to harm our relationship with emotional baggage from the past.

I ask that you actually read *all* of what I wrote or leave me alone.

In reply to Message (58721.1.1.1.1)

Re:A personal note...wetlook, couples, acceptance issues

By EdR - Mon 05/08/13 06:07:13 GMT

Website: www.asplashofglamour.com

The question you should ask yourself is, what's more important to you? Your girlfriend or the clothes she's wearing? If your answer isn't your girlfriend, your relationship won't last long. If what she is wearing to get wet in is all that matters to you, she'll eventually realize it and figure out that she isn't as important to you, and is most likely to leave you. If I can offer a suggestion, I would suggest that if you love her, you make her the most important person in your life. It shouldn't matter what she wears or what she puts on to get wet for you, even if its a burlap bag or an outfit an ex wore before.

Sincerely EdR

In reply to Message (58721.1.1.1)

Re:A personal note...wetlook, couples, acceptance issues

By warmrain84 - timeszero.band@gmail.com Sun 04/08/13 16:47:18 GMT

Website:

Thank you. I think that's good advice. I try to emphasize "no pressure, only do something if you really want to" and she insists that it doesn't bother her either way. Again, I am thankful that she's willing to get wet, period.

The only thing that really upset me in this situation is that she changed into something I had just told her was a turnoff and reminded me of someone else who hurt me. She said she forgot, but I guess...I don't know. It's not that I don't believe her (she can be a forgetful person), but maybe subconsciously she didn't want me to get turned on, but she's also been really wanting to be intimate lately, so...I just don't get it. I would definitely rather we just not get wet together than to wear clothes bring up bad feelings, you know? All of this is about the acceptance part of wetlook, with the sexual part secondary.

In reply to Message (58721.1.1)

Re:A personal note...wetlook, couples, acceptance issues

By Forbes - Sun 04/08/13 11:58:31 GMT

Website:

I personally do not ask or suggest getting wet with my wife, I just leave it. Now she knows what turns me on and if she is in the mood for sex she will often get dressed in something nice and take me to the bathroom. It gives her a tool to use to get what she wants, it also gives her a sense of power knowing that she can control me and turn me on instantly, in turn I'm sure that makes her feel very feminine and desirable. I think the key here is 'no pressure', let her take control.

Just a thought, maybe your girlfriend is uncomfortable with the aspect of getting wet in public knowing it partly has a sexual motive.

All the Best

In reply to Message (58721.1)

Re:A personal note...wetlook, couples, acceptance issues

By NJP - Sun 04/08/13 09:21:41 GMT

Website:

If i were you i would try to avoid getting hung up on the detail of the interest. Be glad that she is willing to do it and embrace it when and where she feels most comfortable, obviously try to imply your preferences but it you make an issue when they are not met, it may become a minefield from her perspective whenever she does it. Enjoy whatever she obliges but if it becomes a chore for her it it could start to stop happening in my opinion.

cheers

In reply to Message (58721)

A personal note...wetlook, couples, acceptance issues

By warmrain84 - timeszero.band@gmail.com Sun 04/08/13 08:28:44 GMT

Website:

I'm posting here because I don't know where else to turn. I'm hoping a like-minded and empathetic person may be able to help me. Now, for some of us, wetlook isn't just a matter of sexual attraction, but also part of our identity; it's something we see as part of ourselves that we want/hope those closest to us to accept.

Okay, so, I'm blessed enough to have a girlfriend who has seemed pretty "okay" with my wetlook interest, and will occasionally join (or "indulge") me. Now, I already know this can be a unique thing others wished they had. I was single for many years, so I know the feeling.

But something happened today that really disturbed me. I've been waiting all summer for a good rainstorm to get wet (indoor showers are a little claustrophobic for wetlook with a partner for me, which is the only available opportunity other than like water bottles or something). There have been plenty of rain storms, but we've always been at work, driving, or otherwise busy. Finally we had a big one approaching today with nothing to do. The thing is, she was wearing one of my favorite outfits, and she was ready, willing, and able to go and get wet with me. I was really excited. We've only been wet together a few times, and this was kind of the one experience I really looked forward to. But then right when the rain started, she said she wanted to go change. She changed into an outfit I not only had told her turned me off, but reminded me of a really bad experience with someone else (it was exactly something someone else wore that had really hurt me in the past). She said she didn't remember me telling her (I had reminded her that morning) and said she just changed into it because she felt like it. I felt really bad, both disappointed she changed and mad at myself for caring about it.

Now, I know it's not intentional (it really doesn't seem intentional) but I can't shake the feeling that I've lost interest in getting wet with her. She was wearing something I have complimented her on many times, and changed at the last minute into something I just told her reminded me of a bad experience. She then remembered and said she felt bad for not remembering earlier, but by then I had lost interest. I feel misunderstood and somehow rejected (if that makes sense). I know her intentions were to be nice, and I need to appreciate that, but something in my brain feels like the meaning has been lost and I can't find it interesting, comfortable, or hot to get wet with her.

Does anybody else relate or have insight? I know I should be grateful that she was willing at all; I just feel really bummed and wish I still wanted to get wet with her, but I feel like it's ruined. This isn't the first time, by the way, we've had this kind of misunderstanding. She says I'm too subtle and need to just tell her what I like, but when I do, there's been a couple of other incidents when she will change or decide she doesn't want to get wet at the last minute, and I feel like it's an emotional whirlwind. The few other times we got wet, it was fine, but I felt like she was just trying to be nice; I insist that I will still love her, but she just needs to decide if she's truly okay with it. Otherwise, our relationship is great, but the wetlook issue makes me feel misunderstood, or just disconnected. Thank you for any insight; this is a personal matter so I hope any feedback will be sensitive to that.

Report Abuse or Problem to Nigel at Minxmovies
If you enjoy this forum, then please make a small donation to help with running costs: (you can change amount)