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Message # 40391.2.5

Subject: Talking thanks for sharing this very interesting history

Date: Sun 07/06/09 10:07:46 GMT

Name: watershed ex

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Thanks, Barry, for sharing this very interesting history -- and thanks especially for sharing the happy ending where you end up with a wife with whom you can share your fetish and integrate it into your sexual life!  (We should all be so lucky and so fulfilled.)

 

It's quite ironic that the very intensity of your mum's desire to control your dad's fetish seems to have got her just what she was angling to avoid.  Every human being wants the freedom of controlling their own life, but wants simultaneously to avoid the responsibility of defining oneself that comes with that freedom.  In the more concrete terms of childhood, we want to be free of our parents and the bounds that they set, but we also want to be protected by our parents and by those bounds.

 

And as Ernest Becker observes in his excellent book _The Denial of Death_, in spiritual terms we want to affirm ourselves as spiritual beings free from the constraints and desires of a mortal body, but we also want to enjoy the pleasures of that mortal body.  What was the first thing Adam and Eve did after eating the apple and thereby acquiring the spiritual knowledge of good and evil and the carnal certainty of death?  They covered their naked bodies with clothes -- not at all a coincidence.  Wetlook frequently arises as a manifestation of this tension between the desire for the freedom of spiritual love and the desire for the pleasures of carnal love; wet clothes allow one to feel the body yet also to be separated from it.  The best contemporary example of this phenomenon, I think, is the ubiquitous wet sari scene in Bollywood film (for which many thanks, dhopash, and please keep them coming -- I especially loved that clip that you posted from Mouna Ragam with the beautiful dancer in the green salwar kameez!).

 

Water itself is a special symbol because it hangs on the boundary (the watershed, perhaps!) between the desire for control and the desire to surrender to nature's control; when we control water it brings us life, and when we submit to water, when we immerse ourselves in its flood with only the thin layer of clothing as a boundary, we are reminded of our bodies and our consequent proximity to death in the same way that we are during sex -- on this last point, see Sigmund Freud's _Beyond the Pleasure Principle_.

 

John Money in his book _Lovemaps_ says that this phenomenon of adopting a prohibited action as a fetish is a re-playing of defeat as victory.  (I think that he gets a lot of things wrong in that book, but on this particular point he's spot on.)  Some of us have been punished by figures of authority (often parents) for doing prohibited things - such as your experience of being punished for getting wet in your clothes.  And some of us have been compelled by figures of authority to do things that we perhaps don't want to do - for instance wearing clothes at the beach to prevent sunburn, or wearing a life jacket whilst boating, or wearing a waterproof coat on rainy days, or wearing a school uniform which one has to keep clean.  Dr Money observes that fetishes tend to begin with the fetishist re-playing the defeat as a victory, taking ownership of the externally prohibited or externally compelled action, and thereby re-casting it as a victorious expression of the fetishist's will instead of a defeat of that will at the hands of an authority figure -- the uniform ends up wet or muddy, the raincoat-wearer ends up in the middle of a pond, the clothes get wet in the shower instead of at the beach, whatever.

 

I think that fetishism says quite a lot about what it is to be human, to be the only species on this planet that is simultaneously constrained by mortality and capable of contemplating the eternal.  Fetish symbols, both in the sexual sense and in the broader anthropological sense, are what we use to steer a course between spirituality and mortality, freedom and responsibility, mental love and physical love.

 

I've been a fetishist for as long as I can remember -- quite literally: one of my first childhood memories is of a pair of shiny red wellingtons that I would not take off!  I've spent four decades of life trying to understand this quirk of mine and how it developed, and how it relates to the rest of my mind and to human mental life in general.  So, sorry for the rambling post, but Barry, something in your story very much spoke to me and got me thinking, and perhaps these thoughts of mine might be of use to others on this forum.

In reply to Message (40391.2) Pulsing My Wetlook History

By Barry - barryseaweed@live.com us Sat 06/06/09 14:24:45 GMT

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At what point did I know I was a wammer?  It wasn't until I was on the internet for a while, because before that, I had no clue that there was a name for this.  

 

I was a little late getting internet, because the first time I tried it at the library, I typed "wet clothes" into the search engine, and the website that came up was the Wacky Wet forum.  At first I thought "Internet sucks, why would I waste money buying a computer".  I tried the internet at the library several months later, typed in "wet clothes", and it returned "wetlook.com" and "EEWetlook", and when I typed "wet socks" it returned "dirtysocks.2-hi.com", which I also liked.  That was enough to justify buying a computer.  Unfortunately, AOL was the only game in town, and there were only five dial up access numbers in my county of residence, which has a population of 450,000.  In other words, I hardly ever got on the internet, ( I don't know how Desert Hawk manages to pull that off. ), so it was back to hanging out by the boat ramp for me.

 

Well, that was the first time I was able to put a name to it, but I remember the seeds being planted very early in life.  I was the 3rd and last child in my family, and my two older siblings were sisters.  They loved to try to drown me in the lake fully clothed.  I didn't like that, and it didn't do anything for me.  However, my mom always made a federal case out of getting wet clothes, and my mom was especially obsessive compulsive about keeping socks dry.  August 1979 was the last time mom and dad thought we needed a babysitter.  I was eight years old at the time.  Mom and Dad took a weekend to the Poconos by themselves, and it was a hot and muggy weekend.  Our babysitter was 17 years old and she had just gotten her driver's license.  First she took us out to a sandwich place, then she took us to a drive in movie.  After that, she took us to the lake.  We got out of the car, and she said, "Hey, yous guys want to go swimming?"  I said we would get in trouble if we got our clothes wet, but the babysitter said  "So what?, they'll be dry by the time your parents get home.  It aint no big thing."

 

I can still remember what she wore.  She was wearing a white button down blouse, dark blue jeans with a wide bottom, thin white socks, and chunky wooden sandals.  She kicked off her sandals and waded in the lake with her socks, jeans, and shirt.  We were doing something so wrong by my mom's standards and getting away with it, so that was a feeling of excitement I've never felt before.  From that moment, I wanted to see more and more, but it was always a rare treat.

 

Mom always flipped out over the idea of getting wet clothes. Mom always made a federal case out of my sisters and I getting wet clothes, and if wet clothes were a federal case, wet socks warranted capital punishment.   The more she bitched about it, the more of a turn on it became for us.

 

She was so uptight about it, that if wetlook came on TV, she'd turn the channel.  One of my early memories was a TV show where a someone skateboarded out of a house and fell in a pool.  Then a blonde woman who was wearing white socks, pink shorts, and a purple T-Shirt jumped in or was pushed in the pool after that.  That was the first time I was actually aroused by wetlook, but mom changed the channel.

 

In July 1984, my dad died.  I was 13 then.  The police said he drowned in the lake while swimming drunk.  I still miss him.  After that happened, I was looking through his tool box in the shed and I found my dad's wetlook collection.  It was an envelope of full of photos of girls in their early twenties in the bathtub or at the lake fully clothed.  I didn't know this about dad, but it turns out he was an early amateur wetlook producer.  He had all pictures of girls getting wet in the typical styles of the late '70s to early '80s.  By this time, Wet clothes and socks were firmly attached to my sexuality.

 

After that, mom's punishments for wet clothes or socks became more and more severe.  When my middle sister was 17, she was grounded for two months for getting her clothes and socks wet.  During her period of being grounded, she walked out of the house anyway.  My mom got pissed off and yelled at her "Where do you think you're going!? You're still grounded!"  My sister replied "No I'm not, today's my 18th birthday, I'm moving out."

 

I'm married now to a woman who gets wet or muddy for me fully clothed and wearing socks, but that was a long road.  My first wife absolutely refused to get wet, and before I met my current wife, I couldn't get ANY of my dates on the wet amusement park rides.

 

 

In reply to Message (40391) Hello At what point did you know you were a wammer/

By Matt - uu Sat 06/06/09 07:29:38 GMT

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or whatever it is you call us. When I was a kid I remember a few times that got me "excited" .

 

1. I think this was the first time I was maybe 6 or 7. I was watching Sesame Street  and "Oscar the Grouch" was going to take a picture of a couple. I kinda forget what the guy looked like, but the lady was this tall brunette maybe 35. They were on a boat, "Oscar" told them they were too close. So he backed them up a step, then another, then another, and then finally he said "one more step back" and they fell in the sea fully clothed. I rememebr I REALLY liked it.

 

2. On the "Wide World of Sports" on ABC they did logrolling, i was about 10 or 11. Now if you ever watch this, the pro's dont usually get that wet (not to mention the fact that ther're usually just wearing a tank top and shorts or whatever). When they fall off, usually the water is about shorts level, but this one time this lady was wearing a wide -brimmed hat, and was wearing slacks with her blouse. It was the last round or whatever, and I remember her falling totally into the water, and getting a full dunking, and her hat coming off. Again I cant explain it, but there was just something about that...

 

3. When we were on vacation this one time we were sitting by the motel pool, I was maybe 12, a girl got tossed in the pool wearing a blue shirt and tight blue jeans!

 

It totally happened out of nowhere! She was maybe 18. She dove back in the pool several times, and swam around like everyone else. I could not take my eyes off of her.

 

4, I remember when I was a freshman in High School, 14 years old. We were watching "Battle of the Network Stars" , and there was a dunk tank. By that time I had become accustom to the fact that when there is a dunk tank usually guys sit on it, and if a girl does, she's wearing a swimsuit. But this time there was Donna Mills taunting Howard Cosell about how he couldnt throw, and she was so sure she would get up there with her clothes on! I was so fixated on the Tv! Howard of course missed but  a ton of people snuck in behind him and threw, and inevitably someone dunked her!

 

If I can pinpoint my fetish, those 4 scenes are the first that come to mind.

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